Oh! No John! No!
English traditional    This one is especially fun when there is someone named John in the audience.  I have included the patter script that has developed, but feel free to come up with your own... I will keep playing C and G7 in rythm while speaking... I first ran across this one years ago in a book called "Ballads, Songs and Snatches."   Oh - and don't let the multiple chord changes daunt you - with practice, they fall easily into a pattern, both on autoharp and guitar.

      C           G               C           G
On yonder hill there stands a maiden
 C            G   C           G
Who she is I do not know;
C         Am           F          G7
I shall court her, for her beauty,
C                F          G7
She must answer yes or no,
(What is this?  Ah!  a renaissance/medieval dating game!)
C     F     G    C            G7           C
Oh, no John, no John, no John, no!

       C          G         C         G
2. Madam, on thy face is beauty
 C        G             C         G
On thy lips wild roses grow,
C           Am           F         G7
Madam, I   would be thy lover,
C               F         G7
Madam, answer yes or no,
C     F     G    C            G7           C
Oh, no John, no John, no John, no!

(Hmmm…. She must be playing hard to get)

    C             G         C          G
3. Madam. on thy face is beauty,
 C        G        C         G
At thy bosom lilies grow,
C         Am         F          G7
In your bower there is pleasure,
C           F           G7
Shall I view it? Yes or no.
C     F     G    C            G7           C
Oh, no John, no John, no John, no!

(Ok… his best two pickup lines and he’s getting nowhere….. fast!   Now wait, he’s got one more…He's going to up the stakes...)

    C           G        C             G
4. Madam, I will give you jewels
 C      G             C             G
I will make you rich and free;
C      Am          F             G7
I will give you silks and satins
C             F       G7
Madam, if you lie with me.  (Yes?  Yes?  Please???)
C     F     G    C            G7           C
Oh, no John, no John, no John, no!

(This poor guy!  He’s pulled out all the stops and she’s still not cooperating!   Ah… but she speaks!)
           C            G       C           G
5. My husband is a Spanish captain,
       C          G         C          G
He went to sea a month ago.
C            Am               F         G7
First he kissed me, then he left me,
C                 F         G7
Bade me always answer "No!"  (Ah… the lightbulb goes on over his head!)
C     F     G    C            G7           C
Oh, no John, no John, no John, no!

(Ok now… he’s got this figured out!  It’s not WHAT you ask for – it’s HOW you ask for it! )

      C            G      C           G
6. Madam, may I tie your garter
 C          G          C               G
Just an inch above your knee?
C       Am                 F              G7
If my hand should slip a little farther,
C                  F       G7
Would you think it ill of me?     (And she says – with a smile….)
C     F     G    C            G7           C
Oh, no John, no John, no John, no!

(Ah! That smile… but wait!  This could be a double edged sword…  I wonder – Is our hero in trouble now?)

             C         G              C        G
7. My love and I went to bed together,
 C              G               C               G
There we lay till the cocks did crow;
C                 Am           F           G7
Open your arms my dearest darling,
C                   F            G7
Open your arms and let me go. (Let me go!  Let me go!!  Come on, now... let me GO!!   She's still smiling...)
C     F     G    C            G7           C
Oh, no John, no John, no John, no!

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